I intentionally refrained from joining the noise when this happened. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I knew my immediate reaction would have been far too brutal. Time has a way of cooling anger without dulling clarity, so I chose to wait before saying exactly what I think. Now, let’s talk.
Many would wonder why I chose the subtitle “A Lack of Emotional Intelligence & A Full-Circle Indictment.” It is deliberate.
The girl, & yes, girl is intentional, because I simply cannot bring myself to call the culprit a lady, a lady would have done far better. But the girl (female) displayed a staggering absence of the most basic ingredients required for navigating society: tact, wisdom & emotional intelligence. She acted before she thought. She spoke before she read the room. She completely failed to gauge her environment. She was seeking attention.
To me, that is the definition of a loose cannon.
As the sages say: “Ile lati n ko eso ro de.” It is from home that you take your treasures (well learnt, well seasoned) into the world. Home training is not about knowing how to greet people alone; it is about carrying wisdom into every environment you enter. And whatever you refuse to learn at home, life will teach you outside, often publicly & painfully.
This is where she failed.
Even if your workplace has cultivated a culture of informality, even if everyone calls the CEO by his/her 1st name within the office walls, emotional intelligence demands that you understand context. The larger society is not your office. Public spaces are different. Ceremonial occasions are different. Culture matters. Setting matters. Presence matters.
That is where upbringing should kick in.
She cannot honestly claim she was never taught that in African culture, elders are addressed with respect, even if they are only a year older. Respect is deeply woven into our social fabric. It is instinctive. It is cultural intelligence.
Her lapse did not merely embarrass her. It became an indictment on herself, her background, the brand she represented, & everything attached to her presence in that moment.
Now to the full-circle indictment.
Ironically, I am glad it happened to Mr. Tony Elumelu.
Why? Because I believe he & many of the multinational corporate cultures his brands & others, represent helped import this 1st-name culture wholesale from the West. The intention was noble: flatten hierarchies, encourage openness, remove unnecessary stiffness, & improve workplace collaboration.
Fair enough.
But cultures cannot simply be imported without wisdom. They only work when the people embracing them possess emotional intelligence.
This girl had neither.
She should have erred on the side of good judgment. She should have started with respect. Let it be Mr. Elumelu himself who invited familiarity if he wished. That is how emotionally intelligent people behave.
Access should never be mistaken for licence.
Familiarity, they say, breeds contempt. That is exactly what happened here. She confused access with equality. She assumed presence meant permission. She mistook proximity for privilege. That is a costly mistake.
I do something deliberately, especially in public. I sometimes address friends & colleagues by their official titles, despite our private familiarity. Once we are away from the public space, we return to 1st names & jokes. Why? Because I refuse to misuse access through unnecessary overfamiliarity.
That is emotional intelligence.
The painful truth is this: when people repeatedly misuse access, even friends & family begin to avoid them, not because they hate them, but because correcting them, especially publicly becomes uncomfortable.
The lesson is simple.
Read the room. Judge your environment. Respect context. Apply wisdom.
Not every door you enter gives you permission to drop your manners at the entrance.
Omoba Rare Abiola Olatunde Aloba
